Things I think we should have been taught in school when it comes to personal development.

Okay, I have to caveat this article because it was a long since I was at school. I also want to add that I am writing this article from a place of privilege. I went to a good school, was brought up in a loving home, and am a white, cis-gendered female. I know that not everyone has these same privileges and may not have the support to talk about boundaries, values, or beliefs at home or school. Please bear that in mind when reading my musings below.

Is personal development a thing in schools?

How much were we ever really taught about personal development? Do you remember any of it? By personal development, I mean in the sense of understanding who we are and what makes us tick. Or teaching about what we are driven by, how we determine our values, and how we can alter our beliefs, and that setting boundaries doesn't have to be a scary thing!

Now I remember taking PSHE at school, but I'm pretty sure we didn't go over any of this kind of stuff around values and beliefs? I have vague memories of sex education and sniggering at putting a condom over a phallic plastic object, but that was about it. If we did, I think it was a reasonably fleeting dusting of personal development. Of course, we never learned anything about finances and how to manage money - but I think that's a topic for another blog post!

Currently, the UK Government outline PSHE as a non-statutory subject and leave the teachers to decide what to cover as they are best placed to understand the needs of their pupils which I agree with! But then how much help do the teachers have with pulling this kind of thing together? Or are they just left to fend for themselves? 

The question to ask, I guess, is - are we developmentally prepared enough at 16/17 to understand our values, beliefs, and boundaries? I'm going to argue on the side of yes. Maybe not like a full-on nose dive into the world of personal development, but if I had an understanding and awareness of the values I held, the beliefs I had, and the boundaries I chose to place in my life, it might have helped me as I grew up. 

When I was growing up, the education path was well-traveled by people before me, and the expectation was that you would do the same. So you did your GCSEs, you did your A-Levels, and then you went to Uni. Then you got a job. That was it. 

It wasn't ever really talked about that there were other options out there. Apprenticeships were only ever talked about for the people who couldn't get the grades to get into Uni, but it was the expectation that you were going if you could get in. 

I was always in awe of my younger sister, who decided that going to Uni wasn't for her and would become a musician in the Royal Marines Band. I remember when she told the school it was a shock - but really, she was just a young woman who wanted to live her life aligned with her values and beliefs, which did not include university. Fair play to her. 

Personal development junkie and recovering people pleaser over here!

I've always been a bit of a personal development junkie - well, for the last seven or eight years. I was always looking for ways to improve, be better than my best, and all that jazz. It’s only in the last few years that I explored the importance of boundaries, values, and beliefs. Since I had a mental breakdown in 2019, my work on my values, beliefs, and boundaries has been crucial to my recovery. That and antidepressants and a psychologist, of course, but I believe that if I hadn't done the extra work that I have, I wouldn't be in the position I'm currently in, running my own business and building a life aligned with my values and learning to manage my mental health.

So I'm here, in Pret (the place that all business owners start, I'm sure), and I'm finalising workshop content that I am recording - and it's all about boundaries. And the thing is, boundaries are tied to our values and beliefs. But, unfortunately, our beliefs will often stop us from setting certain boundaries - even if that boundary would help us. The thing is, a lot of our beliefs come from our childhood. So if we are brought up in an environment where our parents believe that they should put others ahead of themselves and live to serve others, so to speak, that is what we are going to do, because that's what we've learned. 

And then we grow up, and we don't put those boundaries in place that should protect us because we don't want to hurt people's feelings or let them down. And then this cycle is hard to break down and deal with - if we don't know how to deal with it. BECAUSE WE WEREN'T TAUGHT HOW TO DO IT. Now I know that this shouldn't all fall down to the schools and teachers' responsibility, but if there were lessons or workshops designed to help young people understand themselves better, surely that would be a good thing? I couldn't articulate what my values were until I was in my thirties. Like I knew what I valued, but I didn't really, if that makes sense? 

Is it time to change the narrative?

For YEARS I allowed people to trample all over my boundaries because I didn't know what they were and, more importantly, how to communicate them. I was a recovering people pleaser (still am), and I wanted to help people - one of my values. Yet, I didn't manage my boundaries or communicate them effectively, so that didn't ever really happen in a healthy way. I would say yes to everything, help everyone however I could, and was left pretty worn out and exhausted most of the time - just running on adrenalin and thinking to myself - is this it?. 

"It's selfish putting yourself first" is a narrative I'm sure a lot of us have heard over the years. But is it? Isn't it better that I put myself first so I am fully capable of helping others rather than draining my battery to 0% but making sure others are happy? Where is that going to get me in life - other than heading towards mental exhaustion and burnout? 

I feel there's been a shift towards putting yourself first in the last few years - for my generation and below. But I think there's still some work to do. I hope that the young adults of the future will be encouraged to live their lives as they want to, and are given the tools to become aligned with their values, understand their beliefs, and set healthy boundaries for them and future generations. 

That would be pretty bloody brilliant if you ask me. 

If any teachers/educators or anyone else would like to discuss further, I would love to chat! Drop me an email here.