Why are your boundaries important?

Boundaries are the new bubble bath. Yep, I said it. Bubble baths are out, and boundaries are in. I’m not a massive fan of baths anyway, so it’s no skin off my nose. I like the idea of a bath, but the actual thing - not so much. The water is too hot to get into but then not warm enough when I’m in. The bubbles dissipate far too quickly, and then what am I supposed to do when I’m in there?! Anyway.

For years, self-care has focused on bubble baths and candles and putting your feet up and relaxing, but I don’t think that cuts it anymore. And it isn’t the best thing for someone who doesn’t like bubble baths.

The more I’ve thought about it, the more I’ve realised that boundaries are an integral part of self-care, and it’s not something that we’re very good at.

So we end up taking on too much at work, burn the candle at both ends when we don’t want to, and end up getting sucked into things that drain our energy and zap our sparkle. And where’s the fun in that?!

Historically, I think there’s been a stigma, particularly around women, for setting boundaries - seen as unhelpful, self-centred, and inflexible to change. And that we, as women, are expected to put others first, be the doting housewife/girlfriend/colleague and have our needs and wants at the bottom of the list, which conveniently, we never really get to. For me, it was learned behaviour. My mum never put herself first and still doesn’t. And she learned that from her mum, and so the cycle continues. But if we don’t put ourselves first, who will? And how can we help anyone when we have nothing left to give.

At times like this, I try to remember the saying ‘put your own oxygen mask on first. If you can place the last time you got on a plane (i know it was probably a long time ago) when the flight attendant talked through the emergency landing - you always have to put your mask on before helping others. Because how can you logically help others if you don’t look after yourself first? Well, think about that, but in everyday life.

Saying no to a lot of people can be scary. Me included. A recovering people pleaser, I spent YEARS saying yes to things to make other people happy. The result? I was not feeling that happy and resentful that I managed to get myself into these situations without pausing and saying no. Thinking about it - I’ve done it THIS WEEK. *facepalm* So it shows that I, too, need to jump into the metaphorical bubble bath and focus on my boundaries.

So yes, it might not feel like the most comfortable thing to get comfortable with, but think of the benefits that you will have if you start thinking about your boundaries as your new self-care regime. Perhaps a bubble bath; for others, perhaps not.

If you want some more tips about setting boundaries - download this below.