Self sabotage and how you can deal with it.
It sounds pretty serious. But it's something that we likely do more often than you think - and we don't even realise. Negative self-talk? Procrastination? Rubbish at communicating what you want? Dating people who aren't right for you? Or are you feeling stressed or anxious when you're doing something that's really important to you?
Sabotage is the act of destroying or undermining something, often in a covert manner.
When you direct this destructive behaviour at yourself, we'd use the term self-sabotage. At first, you may not even notice that you're doing it. But when negative habits consistently undermine your efforts, they can be considered a form of psychological self-harm.
There are loads of different reasons why it could be happening to you. I want you to identify it and start to take small steps to stop it from happening. It's not going to happen overnight - but ultimately, taking steps to make changes can help you stop feeling overwhelmed and frazzled - and instead move towards getting to where you want to be.
Why do we do it?
Honestly, I don't think there's one specific reason why we do it. A lot will come back to our beliefs through - what do we believe we're capable of? Are some of our childhood beliefs holding us back, so we stay where we are? Do we want to feel safe? Stepping out of your comfort zone is a scary thing - it's comfortable for a reason! And ultimately, our brain wants to keep us safe. It goes back thousands of years when we were cavemen (and women), and we needed to protect ourselves from real threats (being eaten by an animal). Fast forward to the modern-day, and there's less threat that we're going to be eaten by an animal, but more perceived threats that could put us in harm's way and take us out of our comfort zone. Make sense? If you want to read more about the fight or flight mode, check out this excellent article.
It may come down to a fear of being successful and failing. What if the thing I'm going to do works out - what then? It's stepping into the unknown. What if it doesn't work, and then I fail? What will people think? What will it say about me? If you don't try and achieve it, then you won't fail. But you also won't get very far either.
It might also be your need to be in control. I get it; I am that person. I used to like to be in control of everything in my life, to a fault. It made things hard to do. By sabotaging myself in this way, I was a bottleneck for my own life, and it made things feel very overwhelming, like all the time.
So what can you do about it?
Be aware of what's going on - what's preventing you from getting what you want and reaching your goals?
Improve things by 1% rather than thinking about the big picture all the time
Practice self-care; don't be too hard on yourself
Put plans in place to help you with procrastination. First, write a list as though you were going to outsource it - with all the details. Now do that!
What's next?
Consider speaking with a life coach if you're having difficulty with self-sabotage and it's making you feel overwhelmed and frazzled with your everyday life.
